Giggle at a Star

There I was parked comfortably in my sitting room, bucket of popcorn fixed firmly on my lap all eager to indulge in some television madness. I shamefully admit that I've always enjoyed reality shows from Janice Dickinson's Brooklyn borough Yankee originated 'aaah shut up' groans in the Australian jungle to Tulisa's (Contostavlos) fag ash breath. However nothing could have prepared me for the embarrassment that is TV3's latest fiasco 'Driving Me Crazy'. The whole synopsis of the show is that two of Ireland's e-list celebrities are filmed in the same car together as they take it in turns to drive to their chosen destination -that is the whole mere plot of the show. Scandalous Irish television viewing quality it could be said. In the aftermath of this cruel experience I've decided to create a list of possible celebrity dominated alternatives that I strongly believe would have audiences across the country in hysterics.

1. Celebrity Supervision of Under Age Disco(s). We have all experienced the absurdity of the 'Teeny-boppers'. Most of us have evolved flourishingly from dodgy stainless steel braces, neon themed outfits and of course the awkward Swagger Jagger dance moves. For that reason alone how hilarious would it be to plunge a famous face head first into the insanity. 'Twink' (the mule) cautioning the latest couple of the week caught 'shifting' inappropriately in the corner of the sweaty filled community centre. Or physically struggling to decommission a mosh pit involving the spottiest of juvenile delinquents would all have me personally snorting laughter especially if she got absorbed into one.

2. Celebrity Jury Duty. Think Judge Judy but better! I for one would find immense pleasure in the dopiest of media figures struggling to use their 'brains' full stop never mind a six week trial. Considering the majority of them relish to talk the hind legs off a donkey yet shall have to remain silent in order to complete their tribunal duties successfully.

3. Celebrity Childminders. An overcrowded crèche, screaming babies, endless sticky fingers, how will the glamorous ever survive? Each second a thousand more tears shred and pressure is mounting ever so rapidly. Adele perchance will bring a whole new context to her song 'Rolling in the Deep' whilst swamped in endless dirty nappies. Likewise visualise her rendition of multiple nursery rhymes, she could easily bring 'I'm a Little Teapot' back into the international charts.

4. Celebrity Drinking Games. As Irish we have all had those nights where we could offer a whole new definition of the word 'messy' to Oxford Dictionary. How awesome would it be to have scenarios like this filmed for our very own entertainment. Obviously we would have to exploit the real vulnerable to take complete advantage out of the concept but I don't see the actors of the 'Teletubbies' too bothered even after fifteen years of abuse and corruption from the BBC.

5. Celebrity Chase. It's so simple but gosh how epic would it be if it worked. Basic humour but a one hundred percent success rate. Famous personalities enclosed cruelly in a field. Various members of the public hunt them down with a long sharp stick (optional tractor or pitchfork). Tears are marching down my face imagining this (but that could possibly be my eyes burning out of horror that I'm encouraging my internal 'culchie'). Dana Rosemary Scallon, Honey Boo Boo Child's mother June, Jimmy Carr all being chased after by mobs of cynics with batons. The more horrible the weather the better.