An Unpredicted Purchase

Swaddled here in a blanket on this somewhat quiet Saturday evening preparing for some social-networking and hefty munching but at the back of my mind I must remind myself that work is unfortunately looming drastically early tomorrow morning. It got me contemplating what exactly I've learned from the job in the last five odd years and to put it bluntly I've learned fudge all. But I have found myself obtaining this strange sense of appreciation for aspects that you typically wouldn't expect from the position and in a true blogger's style I've decided to scrawl excessively about it. I suppose I should add if you are wondering I work in a local petrol station/news-agency/neighbourhood watch conference centre and not as Galway's premier model.
1. Good Radio. All staff are prohibited from changing the radio station. Therefore hours of RTE Radio 1 are cruelly in store (pun intended). Multiple monotonous older-timers discussing the latest government bail out deal, Anglo Irish Bank's irregularities and the latest recession hitting news. Every morning there's a crisis that I never fully understand and they all speak like they have one huge mathematical algorithm shoved some where inappropriately. All I want is some light hearted discussion, some witty radio presenter and most importantly some actual music (preferably from this century).
2. Rewarding Conversation. Fair enough whilst working in a shop you expect to encounter all genres of civilisation and you won't exactly have much in common to chatter about. Nevertheless after four hundred conversations regarding the weather you do begin to value some decent subject matter to discourse over.
3. Urgent Shoppers. Old age pensioners speed up all your perusing and please re-evaluate your entire lifestyle. You do not need to analyse each item in your basket. The bread is indeed soft enough, the milk is easily fresh enough and the majority of apples do naturally smell the same. I am a notably patient person but an hour of prodding, nudging and purchasing in a cramped country shop is just too much, even for the apples.
4. Vegetarians. I'll admit I graze as much meat as the next person but the local community are a congregation of alligators (yes I googled the collective noun). Babe the pig wouldn't last long in this village before he had a swarm of residents foaming at the mouth. Cutting meat and cleaning the slicing machine is a full time job in itself. Most settlers have the bundle of ham opened before they leave the perimeter.
5. Democracy. My boss is a control freak and when you are governed by a dictator you do envy a little freedom of speech. Her reign of terror is ruthless and the woman is one newsworthy character but that is an entire other blog post's material.
Off with his head!

Giggle at a Star

There I was parked comfortably in my sitting room, bucket of popcorn fixed firmly on my lap all eager to indulge in some television madness. I shamefully admit that I've always enjoyed reality shows from Janice Dickinson's Brooklyn borough Yankee originated 'aaah shut up' groans in the Australian jungle to Tulisa's (Contostavlos) fag ash breath. However nothing could have prepared me for the embarrassment that is TV3's latest fiasco 'Driving Me Crazy'. The whole synopsis of the show is that two of Ireland's e-list celebrities are filmed in the same car together as they take it in turns to drive to their chosen destination -that is the whole mere plot of the show. Scandalous Irish television viewing quality it could be said. In the aftermath of this cruel experience I've decided to create a list of possible celebrity dominated alternatives that I strongly believe would have audiences across the country in hysterics.
1. Celebrity Supervision of Under Age Disco(s). We have all experienced the absurdity of the 'Teeny-boppers'. Most of us have evolved flourishingly from dodgy stainless steel braces, neon themed outfits and of course the awkward Swagger Jagger dance moves. For that reason alone how hilarious would it be to plunge a famous face head first into the insanity. 'Twink' (the mule) cautioning the latest couple of the week caught 'shifting' inappropriately in the corner of the sweaty filled community centre. Or physically struggling to decommission a mosh pit involving the spottiest of juvenile delinquents would all have me personally snorting laughter especially if she got absorbed into one.
2. Celebrity Jury Duty. Think Judge Judy but better! I for one would find immense pleasure in the dopiest of media figures struggling to use their 'brains' full stop never mind a six week trial. Considering the majority of them relish to talk the hind legs off a donkey yet shall have to remain silent in order to complete their tribunal duties successfully.
3. Celebrity Childminders. An overcrowded crèche, screaming babies, endless sticky fingers, how will the glamorous ever survive? Each second a thousand more tears shred and pressure is mounting ever so rapidly. Adele perchance will bring a whole new context to her song 'Rolling in the Deep' whilst swamped in endless dirty nappies. Likewise visualise her rendition of multiple nursery rhymes, she could easily bring 'I'm a Little Teapot' back into the international charts.
4. Celebrity Drinking Games. As Irish we have all had those nights where we could offer a whole new definition of the word 'messy' to Oxford Dictionary. How awesome would it be to have scenarios like this filmed for our very own entertainment. Obviously we would have to exploit the real vulnerable to take complete advantage out of the concept but I don't see the actors of the 'Teletubbies' too bothered even after fifteen years of abuse and corruption from the BBC.
5. Celebrity Chase. It's so simple but gosh how epic would it be if it worked. Basic humour but a one hundred percent success rate. Famous personalities enclosed cruelly in a field. Various members of the public hunt them down with a long sharp stick (optional tractor or pitchfork). Tears are marching down my face imagining this (but that could possibly be my eyes burning out of horror that I'm encouraging my internal 'culchie'). Dana Rosemary Scallon, Honey Boo Boo Child's mother June, Jimmy Carr all being chased after by mobs of cynics with batons. The more horrible the weather the better.
All kinds of Dana remind me of ewe.

Unexpected Benefits of an eBook Reader

Having never particularly been your standard bookworm I still frequently disregard my 'Kindle' as a casualty of the annual birthday money shop. Nonetheless I've made a genuine effort to commence on reading in order to steer myself appropriately for college next September. This post is not going to bore you all with the standard marketing malarkey stating how sha-mazing the battery life is or how the memory intake is large enough to put your clotted attic to shame. My advantages are all little surprises I found myself encountering. Hopefully the average adolescent might experience too.
1. Casual reading is not exactly the coolest pastime amongst our generation and whilst on communal grounds it's a necessity to come across as conventional as possible. The local hooligans mistake your personal library for an 'iPad' and you escape the day looking all savage cabbage with traces of popularity still intact.
2. I personally hate the feeling of paper (especially with wet hands) it basically just freaks me out. The enchanting eReader is nothing but a screen and E ink so if you have a private issue similar to mine then congratulations we have found a solution. 
3. Caveman Dad is ought to be even more confused with this latest addition of technology patrolling through his home. The miniature device will intimidate him and consciously he'll value you more as he knows you're his tour guide to this horrifying new world of technology.
4. Whatever book or newspaper you're reading has no physical cover. This whole concept means that you can pretend you're reading anything i.e Mother bursts into your bedroom demanding study be done immediately. You calmly reveal to her that you are in fact deeply engrossed in a subdivision of your Biology syllabus when realistically Miranda Hart's biography is just too intriguing to put down.
5. My own mobile phone and laptop are both severely overused (although I like to think they're just divas exaggerating their exhaustion from time to time), this results in multiple freezing, crashing and Patrick chanting all the bad words in his vocabulary together religiously. The sexy and contemporary eReader offers the other two gadgets a break so they can 'chillax', head for some lunch, perhaps even go see a show? Whatever nonsense they see fit to enjoy their spare time. 
Gawd dog! Books are so dated.

One New Cyber Venture

Alas I'm back after my first endeavour into the digital literacy world failed to grow past its second posting. Therefore wait until I've committed adequately to this 'blog' before celebrating my triumphant return. 
I suppose I should start by welcoming you into my on-line diary and hope that by now you'll be satisfied with your decision to click on the link and not be performing some form of self persecution. This 'blog' will aspire to scribe both basic and problematic musings that merge into my life in the not so distant future. For that reason you may expect plenty of gremlin fetishes and oodles of viral cat videos to parade through the main column of this website weekly (joking). I'll aim to offer some consistency and strive to upload an entry at least once a week. Please excuse the odd (or even) spelling discrepancy and overlook a grammar blunder if one arises, I'm not a journalist nor am I a writer so if you're looking for someone to blame and release that anger onto then I'll readily suggest Mystic Meg.  I'm open to topic suggestions, recommendations and advice as all support is genuinely appreciated. Social networking hermits let us unite together. 
Shalom and a buenos dias to you.
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