Footballs

This might be somewhat obvious but I don't really like sports. From as far back as I can remember this has always been the case and I've made my peace with it. When I was younger I used to read the headlines of the sports section of the newspaper so that I wouldn't get caught out and embarrassed that I didn't know the latest game scores the next day at school. I'd even turn on the last twenty minutes of Match of the Day so I could fake it through the school yard small-talk.

Now older and wiser, I no longer feel self-conscious or dependent on how others perceive me. I've accepted that I'm passionate about so many cool and interesting things, but sports will never be one of them. They are supposedly a pleasant distraction from the misery of life, but each season ends in crushing disappointment for the fans of all but one team, so I fail to see the logic or apparent attraction. I'm pretty much content to permanently opt out.

 (Photo via InsideIreland.ie)


When the football was on last weekend, both my father and brother were glued to it. I wasn't allowed to touch the remote for fear one of them would do a Bobby Beale on me. So I decided to sit there and listen in on the backtalk of two men to a TV screen.  

Father: "This is an unreal Kerry team, they're all working well today." He genuinely feels he's more competent in analysing and reviewing the match in action than the selection of professionals seated in the television studio.
Brother: "Yes, great match." 
Me: "I prefer the other team, royal blue is very in this season." This is me trying, I swear. 
Father: "Shut up you with that cheek."
Brother: "Do you think they'll win it Dad?"
Father: "I do. Solid team and great control of the ball." A nominee for pundit of the year, surely?
Brother: "That Kieran Donaghy is some player."

Father: "I love The D."

Me: "Excuse me?"

Father: "I love The D, always have." I suppose scrutinizing toned athletes in shorts on a biweekly basis has had a lasting effect on him.
Brother: "Dad calls Kieran Donaghy, The D." He too wasn't aware of the evident double meaning? 
Me: "Oh yeah?"

I left the room at this point to go fill the rest of the household in on my latest discovery. I retreated back in for a bit of the second-half, his commentary and general criticism had increased. Still very much unaware of the noticeable sexual innuendo being used. 

Father: "Would they all stop grabbing The D."
Brother: "Just leave him alone."
Father: "The D always scores and is unstoppable."
Brother: "He's top-notch."
Father: "The D knows what to do, the D will break any player in half."
Brother: "The strength in him."
Father: "The D always has full control and is hard as nails."

Sometimes I get annoyed at the prevalence of sports in popular culture, but then I watch a game with my father and I remember that almost anyone can find entertainment in it, if they search deep enough.


 (Photo via Gaa.ie)

Into The West Blogger Network

Have you ever known someone who believed in you, someone who frequently spoke words of encouragement and praise? The kind of person who made you feel you could do it, whatever 'it' was? That'’s the kind of person I aspire to be. It's a very honourable trait to think everything we say should build up the one who is listening.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the word 'impact' and how important it has become to us. Everyone in life wants to make some sort of influence, whether it's big or small. Deciding to make your mark on the world in a positive way is a noble goal. One of the best ways to find happiness, fulfilment, a sense of purpose and belonging is to try to help improve the lives of others.

I know what you are thinking: Where am I going with this post? 


About three months ago I joined the Into The West Blogger Network, an Irish community of bloggers developed by the two godsends Saibh Egan and Sinéad Carroll. In the last decade, digital technology has massively transformed the way we live, work and communicate. One of the biggest trends we have seen has been the rise in popularity of blogging, a platform and opportunity for people to express their opinions on almost anything to a mass audience worldwide. However, nowadays in the age of social media, where people almost compete to make themselves as accessible as possible online, it's very hard to stand out from the crowd and be noticed. Likewise, it's easy to get lost in the loop and defeated. Networks like these, offer a platform for those with a passion for the rapidly growing industry to come together, unite and be discovered.

I attended my first event with the group last Sunday and in all respects found it truly inspirational. The amount of people who left the venue that afternoon feeling they had achieved something, feeling deeply rewarded and welcomed was phenomenal. The amount of smiles on people's faces really spoke for itself and it was very uplifting to be around that much positivity and motivation.

Maintaining a good blog can be very self demanding, it really involves a lot of time and effort. So to be invited to an event where complete and utter strangers have read your own words and thoughts is quite a surreal feeling that I can't explain. The truth is that as human beings we all want to be valued and be recognised for our efforts. It's not about feeling 'needy' but simply feeling appreciated.

Everyone needs a boost from time to time, meet-ups like these do continue to encourage the best in us. It completely changed my attitude to blogging, as I see now how much potential is out there. 

We all have the opportunity to affect others in profound ways. Every single day. Helping others succeed is a pretty remarkable thing, so for that Saibh and Sinéad, I not only applaud you, I thank you. 

Bring on round two.

(Photo courtesy of Pamslivelovefashion) Pictured: Pam, Rachel and Sandra

Twins Come Out To Dad: My Reaction

All over the internet there seems to be a popular trend nowadays of young adults self-disclosing their sexual orientation 'live' to their loved ones online. There's the viral video of the Rhodes brothers 'coming out' over the phone to their father, with the thumbnail of them both sobbing. On YouTube, there's thousands of videos readily available of adolescents secretly video-taping their 'conservative' parents’ reaction. Throughout the internet, endless clips of people yelling, screaming, shouting, crying, exposing themselves and sharing such an intimate moment for all the world to see.

Firstly, as both a gay man and human being I do find it very courageous that people can put themselves out there like this, it's very brave uploading so much vulnerability. All in all, they are sending out a good message of being true to yourself and overcoming rejection and social stigma. For the twins, they may have wanted to share what was such a meaningful moment to them with the world. Seeing and being able to watch the process unfold could absolutely help someone struggling. It could have been done all in good faith and be the ultimate act of kindness. 

I applaud folks for coming out in whatever manner they see fit, but I have become weary of this contrived, phony social-media documentation. As unpopular as my opinion may be I think that something as innately personal and in-depth as ‘coming out’ to family and friends should not be broadcast to absolute strangers on the internet in order to make a quick buck. Watching the twins’ video, I really felt recording their father in this fashion seemed a bit of an invasion of privacy.




What people don't realise is a lot of these videos are made with the intention of achieving viral status. They know what will generate a lot of attention and help generate a lavish pay cheque. Making money out of someone's sympathy and turning the whole experience into a financial profit and gain is not too difficult. 

Videos like these tend to exploit their loved ones and manipulate their audience. Using their coming out experience as a form of self-promotion. It really has become this weird spectacle of self-imposed shame and drama. There's an obsession with becoming famous, for the right or wrong reasons.  But the more normal coming out is, the more people will come out and that's the end goal here. 

It’s sad that such an important moment in these two young men’s lives placed more significance on recording their father's response. If the moment was truly important don’t you owe it to yourself and your parent to do it in person? The whole thing comes across very narcissistic. People exploiting their own experiences to become famous really trivializes the real adversities many people face when coming out.




The way you live your life every day is what makes you an example to others. I have absolutely no problem with YouTubers sharing their 'coming out stories' online as they are completely different, they represent a reflection of the whole experience and speak collectively about all aspects of the journey. Visibility is important, they can put coming out and being gay in perspective for a lot of straight people who've never thought about the process or been exposed to it. I might even write a post someday myself documenting my own story as I understand how beneficial they can be. But the same does not apply to these hot mess Blair Witch Project videos, where crying for five minutes straight into a camera is expected to advocate equality. 

All these videos are very serious, dramatic and intense. For people struggling with their own sexuality I want you to know that these don't reflect everyone's experience. If I was still in the closet I'd never want to come out and go through what I'd have just watched. But people don't see is that for many people it's almost a celebration, you're surrounded by loving people who are totally okay with the situation. It can even be funny. I do think coming more towards the future it's heading more in that side of things, it's comfortable, it's normal. It can be such a warm, heart-felt, happy, positive experience. Yes, there it can be tear-felt, it will be hard, some people won't understand it and not everyone will take it well as they should but if we always just concentrate on that we're never going to move on and grow. Focus on the supporters, the good ones, the people that matter.If they end up making one gay person scared that this much drama lies ahead of coming out, then are they really helping? Making money isn't wrong but making money while damaging the morale of people who are already struggling is.  

Finally, I'd just like to touch on the actuality that videos like these are doing another serious disservice, there’s something really weird about 'coming out' stories like these that focus almost entirely on the parents’ reaction, be it good or bad. The point of coming out is to come out. It’s to help you, the person. It’s a psychological process or journey and a matter of personal identification and liberation, finding comfort in your own skin. These videos do the bizarre thing of setting the parents' judgement as the focal point of the entire experience. Stunts like this won’t necessarily encourage a young person to come out. If he/she is more concerned with what his/her parents will think, then we are losing sight of the genuine reality. Self-acceptance is the priority, this is your life not anyone else's. 



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