Hometown Glory

You can tell a lot about someone based on their origins as a person's character is often defined by their home town. We moved once or twice when I was young so this ideology never really had an effect on me until the clan eventually settled at our now permanent location in the midst of the west of Ireland and although I have always despised my home-land (more importantly the people in it), I have inadvertently developed a natural attachment for the place. Indeed there is now unfortunately a pinch of red neck hillbilly tendencies strong within me. Here's a scatter of random facts about my village and the neighbourhood I love to hate. 
1. Geographical locations generally have a purpose or logic behind their title. Our village disregarded this train of thought and dubbed our parish 'Milltown' despite the fact our quarter in county Galway has never even had a mill nor knows what one is. 
2. IBaile an Mhuilinn we do proudly possess the highest ratio of civilised human beings to Muppet cast members. With more pedophiles, junkies and supernatural free-spirits inhabiting life in our rural suburbs and society than any other community.
3. My locality is astonishingly one of the crime hotspots of our entire nation. CSI: Milltown distributes more multi-million euro drug raids, helicopter chases and burglary lawsuits than a series of CrimeCall
4. Modernizing the local area suitably is just too much work and effort for the local parishioners, hence they execute their renovating rather lazily. Our main grocery store is a reconstructed sheep shed, our gratifying five star restaurant was once a nineteenth century abandoned bakery and every Christmas season we bombard aul Santa Claus off to our dwelling's infamous vacant thatch cottage stationed in a waterlogged pit behind our park. 
5. Everything in our vicinity is settled on Ireland's most dangerous, accident prone main road. There is always a disaster awaiting around the corner and no, I'm not talking about the strawberry sellers parked up on the pavement.
For Milltown folk helicopter chases are the custom in order to make mass on time. 


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