Hog vs Dog

Retreating home each weekend from the hustle and bustle of city life hasn't transpired how I anticipated it would lately. It turns out that appallingly my family each have their own individual lives and busy ones at that. Frankly there's no room to incorporate yours truly into the itineraries. Therefore my jaunts home leave me inhabiting subsistence with my canine companion Ozzy and although our weekends don't exactly pan out like the Home Alone film franchise they are ending up terrifyingly entertaining. Through these bonding intervals it has emerged that we are indeed quite similar. Enlighten your next two minutes by browsing through the similarities that I obtain with the pooch.

1. The dog and I share the blonde gene. Although he can't empathise with the humiliation inflicted from this attribute I can always deceive myself into believing he relates to the shame (you had a blonde joke initiated).

2. We are both diabolically bullied by the neighbours' cat. In my defence the cat merely stalks me but I do still acknowledge it as a form of bullying. Especially when interludes in your garden involve next-door's villainous creature shadowing and lurking your every move, ambushing for your sandwich, its prey. The dog is the unfortunate one in this comparison as the offender physically bullies him. She takes his lunch money, screeches abuse towards him and invades his privacy by consistently crashing our back garden that is fundamentally his zone.

3. The pair of us go through these unnatural sneezing fits. Yes, every so often one of us are inundated in sneezing expulsions that last approximately ten-fifteen minutes. Mine are caused by ineffable factors such as the sun or bright lights. My sidekick's are provoked by cigarette smoke, hence why these spasms occur whilst he is situated close to my mother the part-time chimney.

4. Come nightfall we both have leather collars, chains and bondage implemented onto ourselves (joking).

5. Disregarding each of our flaws we are both ultimately loyal and devoted, you would easily fail in finding two greater friends than chaps like us.