Branching Out

Tomorrow my younger sister starts her first day of college. It's a momentous step in her life.

She begins her own search in finding a new place to call home. It'll be a mixture of ups and downs, highs and lows. Hopefully she'll embrace them and they'll help enrich her life. She'll have more responsibility, I'm sure she'll exercise her new found freedom wisely and learn to find a balance. It is a significant transition and I'm proud of her. It's the start of a new phase, it'll bring up a range of emotions, it's pretty daunting but exciting too.

I know she will love it. The parties, the all-nighters, the sudden opportunities that will present themselves. It's a time of exploration. She's going to make a lot of new friends, some of which will be people she'll count on for the rest of her life. She'll find a group of mates who she can really talk to and not stress about fitting in with.

Her first year in particular will be an experience she won't trade. The excitement, the anxiousness, the remarkable amount of cluelessness that comes with it. It'll be a huge adjustment but I'm confident she'll hit the ground running. With unfamiliar surroundings, she'll encounter new challenges and learn more about herself. She'll gain so much life experience that will continue to stand to her. Over the next few years she'll acquire plenty of valuable traits and attributes. Disposable income will be low, sacrifices will need to be made but it's all part of it too, I suppose. A learning process in many ways.

It doesn't seem like that long ago when we were both sitting up late on Sunday nights binge watching Sex and the City arguing over who would call the other the following morning for school. The Saturdays of our National School era spent mostly in our playroom constructing forts out of armchairs and bedsheets are becoming memories harder to recall. It's sad to think of that part of our lives ending fully, now that we've both left home.

( Picture via Zantastic.com )

Currently she's en route up to Sligo, and I'm in Galway. She has the keys to her own place, I can sense her infectious enthusiasm, but also how unsettled she's probably feeling. She spent a day last week buying her own individual décor to help set up her new pad and make it as homely and as her as possible. She's brought a suitcase full with her favourite outfits and accessories because the age of uniforms and dress codes are now behind her, it's the start of a new dash of independence. At her age that alone is quite a significant milestone. Knowing her, she's going to revel in it.

The protective older brother will always be instilled within me and it's hard for me to think that she won't need me as much any more. Now with both of us full time in different parts of the country, we won't see each other as much. We'll value our company more now though when we share it, which is a nice thought. Having grown up in difficult circumstances we have always supported and confided in each other a lot, hopefully that won't change. Even after she's spread her wings.

She hasn't had the easiest of lives. Throughout her teenage years she has suffered with various mental illnesses. She has been diagnosed with depression and a personality disorder. It's been a tough fight and a lot for a young person to deal with. She was an inpatient in both adolescent and adult psychiatric hospitals for a large segment of her youth, it hurts me to think of what she might have missed out on during her time there. There has been multiple suicide attempts, each one of them have left a deeper, more substantial hole in my heart. I'm not going to talk much about this, because it is so personal. It's been a massive strain on all of us at home, a real slippery slope and although she's relapsed a couple of times, she's has turned a new leaf in the last couple of months. She's been pushed to the brink. She's been unhappy, we've all been unhappy but that glimmer of light and hope has remained prevalent. She has soldiered on through like the warrior she truly is.

( Picture via Dailypicsupdates.com )

I'm trying not to think of the days when she'll wake up lonely, when someone will say something to her that will hit a nerve and she'll have to uphold her strength because the support network she's accustomed to won't be there. There'll be days when the homesickness consumes her, there'll be evenings when walking home in the dark some homeless man or town drunk will scare her, and there'll be nights when some douche bag might disrespect her, these sort of scenarios bring a lump to my throat. The whole experience will help her grow up a lot, the hard days will enable her build character. I hope the stress of deadlines and assignments doesn't completely overwhelm her, and she won't let her emotions run wild. The boundaries of her resilience will be tested. Of course, there'll be far more good moments than bad, that's a definite just it's hard not to think of both.

Hopefully her house-mates will be nice, agreeable people and that arguments when they arise will be minor. I spent the majority of my first year, locked in my room, isolated, alone and out of place. The reality of self-reliance can sometimes be a lot different to what we expect, so I'm praying her cards are better. She's very outgoing, and so much fun to be around so I'm convinced that she'll settle in with ease.

It's hard for me to fully articulate my feelings and emotions, I'm at a loss for words. But I'm excited for her and I'm eager for what lies ahead. Her chapter is just beginning and I know deep down that she's going to enjoy every single millisecond of it. After all she's been through, she really deserves this.

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I've been shortlisted for both Best Lifestyle Blog and Best Youth Blog by this year's Blog Awards Ireland. I hate to hit ye with such a cliché but it genuinely was such a honour to even be nominated. A lot of my fellow nominees have far larger followings and greater fan bases than Loading Life so I don't expect to get any further, but regardless I'd like to thank anyone who has ever taken time out of their day to read my ramblings and musings. I blog fundamentally for myself, so to think that other people get enjoyment out of anything I've written remains quite surreal to me, it makes me very proud. It's nice to think that anything I've penned has helped pave understanding on a particular issue even slightly better for certain individuals and that the humour posts might have lightened up the dreariest of days for someone out there going through a tough time.

The next round features a public vote, if you think I deserve a vote the link is attached above for both categorises. I'm not going to hound anyone for votes, that's not my style. In my opinion an award should be earned so only choose me if you feel I deserve it. Making the shortlist has made my month regardless.