New Year, New Annoyances

It is the start of another tedious year and instead of activating this calender changeover on a good note I've started as I mean to go on, easily provoked. The umbilical cord was barely cut off 2014 and the jubilant well wishers had activated their Facebook statuses. This trailed the often deluded new years resolutions. Ahead of the posse, I drafted out my own list of unrealistic hopes and destined-to-doom aspirations for the future last May. You can find that blog-post by clicking here. You better appreciate how handy I made that for you and that's a threat.

I don’t know what it is exactly about the beginning of a new year but it brings out these sudden false promises of self improvement in people, I'm guessing it's the air or the hungover heads. All I know is everyone jumps on the bandwagon and all of a sudden there's way too much hope and ambition in the air, which typical Ireland takes pleasure in raking violently out of people.

Woodie's DIY currently stocking ambition wrecker rakes on a special half price offer.

As I was previously waffling, personal stress levels are sky rocketing and I've once again taken my thoughts and groans to the internet. Here are some current pet peeves that I'll most likely have forgotten about this time next week.

1. People who don't flush the toilet. Is it they don't know how? Or do they appreciate the effort that was made into making their faeces that bit too much? Or is it spitefully prearranged to surprise the next awaiting visitor to the throne? All I know is that it is sick. Wait, it's sicker than sick. It is just sad. I don't need to know if you had corn for lunch, if that shepherd's pie didn't agree with you or if your shit excels in the butterfly stroke.

2. Monkey nuts. Every Halloween my family immerse themselves in these lazy peanuts. What is their purpose? In a society where we can invent paper cut prevention devices and onion goggles we should be capable to find a solution. Fire their production department and hire the best team of monkey nut enthusiasts to crack the hell out of these peanuts. It's essential the shops present us with the ready to eat product by next Halloween, otherwise the shells and mess they generate will destroy me more than someone suffering from severe nut allergies

3. People that take that bit too long ordering at a fast food restaurant. These creatures are the reason world wars are contrived. Surely, when you're waiting in the queue in the first place you've decided what meal you're ordering, what drink you're selecting and in the time remaining the name of your first born child. I mean if I'm getting takeaway that entire day I'm contemplating it. For hours it's all I daydream of, it's all I can smell and it is the reason I'm shaking with excitement in a two hour lecture. These folk create those long, torturous queues of impatient, hungry people i.e. the nearest thing to a mob or riot without Bosco involved.

4. Toddlers with attitude. I am slightly terrified of them. These egotistical, high demanding little individuals are worse than the oompa loompas off Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I suffered through a conversation with my four year old cousin the other day in which he spent ten minutes detailing how much 'gooder' he was than me, I'd correct his grammar but it is possible he'd glass me once my back was turned.

5. Condensation. I'll be the first person to admit to you that I'm weird, but genuinely I can't be the only one who loathes it. If I am in a room and it is on the window I have to leave, if it's on my plate I will struggle to eat my grub and if it's on the screen of my phone then my mobile becomes subject to my own version of an Olympic hammer throw event.