Knock, Knock

Being a man of many talents has left me with an army of different careers to slog at. Door to door sales is something I unintentionally found myself emerged in. The life of this breed of enterpriser is a strange one as refreshingly every single working day is diverse and you find yourself encountering every sort of character. My trading path has alternated throughout these lingering months from auctioning cheaper electricity to enticing thirty day free trials of water filters. Revel in these random events that have occurred in my new found profession.

1. Like all jobs there is both good days and bad days but in the land of direct marketing it is all a lot more intense. One day in late March I was convinced I was going to quit as the entire week was manifesting dreadfully. My attitude couldn't dip any lower when I met easily the nicest family in the world (take that The Brady Bunch) who were adamant that the deal couldn't be finalised until I sat down and joined them for dinner. Parked there in the midst of this random family receiving the biggest serving of shepherd's pie at the table was a surreal moment, especially considering some child lost out on a decent sized portion due to my presence.

2. This job drives you to despise all dogs discharged onto this planet. They grunt viciously at you, they flee the scene with your clipboard and in most cases they chase you. The weirdest encounter I've experienced with one of these vile canines was when I was waddling along this shadowy, somber driveway in Ennis, county Clare. Suddenly I could hear this heavy breathing, I turned around to discover this rottweiler was anchored behind me. The strange thing was that 'it' didn't growl or pounce, it just stood there glaring evilly at me. Eye contact remained consistent whilst I slowly backed out of the property.

3. You get handed many things in this job. I've been allocated more pens, endless mugs of tea, bad attitudes than an episode of 'Loose Women'. However the most bizarre thing I've been presented with was a newborn baby. It was in this clotted farmhouse up in north Mayo, the mother left me with the infant whilst she went to fetch her husband down the farm.

4. One thermal, sweaty, sizzling summer day in Galway city I was lurking through the upmarket estates in high-spirits, equipped with courageous hopes of a rewarding day. Throughout the evening I was trailed by a 'Mr. Whippy' ice-cream van (accompanied by that disturbing recognisable jingle). It was degrading to knock on doors, constantly resulting in no answers yet once the ice-cream van cruised past the entire house occupants burst out of their homes for some ice-creamy goodness.

5. You know that scene in 'The IT Crowd' where the characters engage in a street-countdown battle? Well something similarly horrific than that occurred for me when I was greeted by 'Save the Whales' canvassers who encircled me (guided with their 'gangster' persona) lecturing me on how necessary it was that my colleagues and I avoided the given territory, their 'turf'.

Beware! We're coming to an area close to you to activate our brainwashing.


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