The TV License

Arguments have always been a difficult undertaking for me because I have the noticeable handicap of always being right. This might seem slightly far fetched, but my permanent correctness has been confirmed by personal experience and sixteen clinical trials. The challenge lies not in being right but in convincing others of my opinionated perfection. Everyone who has ever had an argument knows all that matters is winning, regardless of how many times you have to raise your voice or bite the person rivalling you. The reason I've brought this up is my own mother was involved in her own heated argument this morning, with an individual from outside of our family. This is a rare occurrence, hence the need to blog about it. Who is this poisonous monster, I hear you ask. It was a TV License inspector.

My own personal dealings with these savages is very limited. I remember about two years ago I came across a flyer they had posted to our house that I felt was fairly ridiculous. It had two TV license inspectors standing awkwardly back to back with their arms folded and looking generally more displeased and foolish than they usually would. The caption read "TV license inspectors are coming to get you on..." and some random date was typed out underneath. The mastermind behind the notice then had striked through the date and had "NOW" printed in this very daring red font, a lame attempt to being taken seriously. I honestly thought it was one of the funniest things I had ever seen. Needless to say, it was quick to be dismissed into the open fire.

These two posing similar to the junk mail I found.

My mother's recent encounter wasn't as fierce or as entertaining as you would like to think. She had a female one arrive out to our house. It all started off rather humane and civilized, my mother presented her with our license and answered any questions she asked, well the appropriate ones. We are currently repainting the entire downstairs of our manor, she obviously wouldn't have known this. Midway through the conversation one of my mother's friends drove in and parked her vehicle carelessly to the front of the house meaning the inspector would have to drive round the back to turn her car and get out safely.

The whole 'inspection' quickly ended and without any hassle she got into her little Hyundai and cruised around the house to a turf shed distinctively stocked up with televisions. We have four televisions in the house which have been shipped out to the shed whilst the painting is being completed. They are old appliances and so in order to comply with the redecorating my parents are planning to discard them. For that reason there's also four newly purchased state-of-the-art televisions lodged in the shed too, soon to be welcomed into their new home.

God only knows what she thought, there could have been an argument but there wasn't (I fooled you all with the reckless introduction). She turned the car regardless and after a minute's standstill accelerated like no tomorrow out the gates of our quarters. Most likely concluding she'd rather not know the answer to this strange uncovering.